I will forever be thankful for the women who give men with whom they have been in relationships the tools to make them happy– the women who embrace the philosophy of teaching people how to treat you right. They have, in turn, taught men things that they bring into their later experiences with other women. 

I recently learned of a new trait that I seek in a partner; I hope they have been in love, or at least have learned about womanhood from someone other than their mother. This is a trait that is often overlooked and not given the attention it deserves. 

Maybe I am just an impatient person, but I am at a point in my life where I can’t play teacher for every man I show interest in. Yes, everyone is different in terms of what they like in relationships. But I am talking about playing teacher when it comes to open communication of boundaries, how to express emotions, or even how to go down on me. I want them to already have some of this knowledge, because the girl dating my ex-boyfriend will not have to worry about these things to the extent that most do. Call me selfish, but where's my good karma? 

After exploring interest in new men after my first love, I learned that identifying what I need in a partner was only the beginning. My impatience to teach or communicate things that I felt they should already know was ironically only hurting their future relationships too. So instead of just walking away and trying to continue manifesting a man that just gets it, I would be the ex-girlfriend that their future girlfriends would thank. Now, I have begun to believe in bettering men for the women in their future. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I put useless time and effort into a relationship that I am not invested in. If I truly felt they were a lost cause and not reciprocating the same effort, then there was no way I would give them the lessons they should have to be successful in relationships. Their eagerness to execute these new skills- like simple back rubs, good sex, or emotional expression- would also help me understand their interest in our relationship as well. 

If you meet the man of your dreams who knows exactly what to do or say, try having gratitude for the girl who was before you instead of the normalized resentment towards her. There is also a huge possibility that a man’s previous girlfriends dismissed certain behavior, did not express their needs, or even faked it. I am not saying it is a woman’s job to make a man better or self-aware, but all I am saying is instead of stroking their ego, think of the girlfriends in his future that you are setting up for bad sex. Do it for the girls. Become the ex-girlfriend that his future girlfriends will want to thank. And in turn, your confidence will thrive.